Golden Girls…  Blanche:  Sophia, I decided to wear this gold chain nestling ever so cunningly in my cleavage.  What other accessories do you think I need? Sophia:  Implant! After the Golden Girls, I called my mom… Mom:  So, your cousin and his girlfriend were making out a few times. Me:  How did you know? Mom:  They [...]

“If you’re going to wear assless chaps, then shave your ass.  How many more times do I have to say this to the lesbian community?”

X:  I just had my cholesterol checked. Me:  All good? X:  No.  I am devastated.  248.  Apparently, I eat too much fatty food. Me:  I had mine done in the hospital.  Just got my results back a few weeks ago.  208.  Borderline high, they said, and suggested that I changed my diet.  I hardly eat [...]

Thanks, Laura. 

X:  Hellaw.  How can I help you?   Me:  I need to make a change of my address.   X:  Cerdenly.  I can help you.  What is your account numbah?   ……   Me:  My new address is 555 39th Place west…   X:  AW-Keh.  Your addrrrrress is 555 Verrrry Nice Place West…   Me:  No.  Not [...]