I am sorry.  Who the hell designed these?  They don’t look like lighthouses to me at all.  They look like little PENISES.  Now, if you hate or are angry with your boyfriends, exes, or husbands, you will certainly enjoy CHEWING THEM.

Originally appeared on bligbi.com

Now I think of it, I’d better call my poor 70-year-old mother immediately and inform her about this.  Otherwise, she may go blind when she tries to put on that two sizes too small Victoria’s Secret sexy thong, which she just bought yesterday.

A Los Angeles woman claims she was injured by her Victoria’s Secret thong, prompting her to sue the underwear manufacturer.

The plaintiff in the case, Macrida Patterson, 52, attributed the May 2007 injury to a Victoria’s Secret “low-rise v-string,” according to a court document posted on The Smoking Gun.

Patterson’s lawyer told The Smoking Gun that a “design problem” caused a decorative metallic piece on the underwear to fly up and hit Patterson in the eye while she was putting the underwear on.

Patterson’s product liability lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court last week.

The Smoking Gun reported that, prior to the lawsuit, officials from Victoria’s Secret had asked to see the offending underwear but were refused by Patterson’s lawyer.

Originally appeared on foxnews.com

Continued from Please take off all your clothes before you poop…

Dear Pat, 

…  They talk on the cell phones in the stalls.  Or they talk to each other in such loud volume when they are in the various stalls.  If they don’t talk, they moan in the stalls.  Can you believe it?  One guy in particular was the most grotesque.  He moaned loudly and sounded like he was having sextuplets.  Some other guy constantly left the ESPN magazine he read at the sink after he pooped.  WHY???  Who the hell wanted to touch the magazine he already used when he had “the huge production?” 
 
I tried very hard not to go during the day unless it was absolutely necessary.  I think some kind of bizarre cancer will grow in my body pretty soon.

Originally appeared on mildlyhotpeppers.com

I knew I would turn out much better than my neighbors’ brats when we were growing up because I only played with Barbie and Ken.  Grandma always said that a good little boy played at home.  Only wild kids played outside.  So, Samantha, the brunette, and Monique, the blond, were my childhood best friends.  I changed their hair and clothes and took baths with them every day.  I also encouraged them to fight daily, too.  One day, they scratched each other’s eyes out literally.  No, they were not little girls.  They were dolls.  Whenever my mom wasn’t home, I wore her wig and sang and danced just like Liza Minelli did.  While I enjoyed the standing ovation and thunderous applause from my imaginary sold out audience at Madison Square, I asked the mirror on the wall, “Who is the fairest of all in the world?  It’s me, isn’t it?  I knew it all along.  Other kids are just so damn ugly.”

Originally appeared on ingredientx.com