This reminds me of this blond girl in my World History class back in college.  One day, the professor was talking about the Roman empire and was spitting left and right because he was ever so engrossed in the dramatic historical events.  Those poor kids who sat at the front rows got their faces all wet and they kept wiping off the saliva with the back of their hands.  Anyway, the professor suddenly stopped his lecture, and asked, “Who could tell me where Japan is?”  This blond girl who sat right in front of me raised her hand quickly.  She waved her hand and moved her butt up and down hysterically.  She could barely contain her excitement.  The professor called her name.

Professor:  Jennifer.  Looks like you know where Japan is.  Do tell us.

Jennifer:  Yes.  I doooooo.  Isn’t it near Rome?

I live in Georgia but I don’t see Russia nowhere, not even sound.  But they say there are tanks.  Should I be worried?

Ain’t the Russians.  It’s the Yankees come again.  Heading for Atlanta with a big box of matches.  Get your gun, Uncle Jed.

Jessica B in the wrong Georgia originally appeared on answers.yahoo.com and fumpr.com

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Where do babies come from?  A mummy and daddy fall in love and get married.  One night they go into the bedroom and they kiss and hug and have sex.  That means the daddy put his penis into the mummy’s vagina.  That’s how you get a baby.  But the other night, I into your bedroom and Dad had his penis in your mouth.  What do you get when you do that?  Jewelry.

Originally appeared on humorpix.com

By the time he does, he has lost interest and you have already fallen asleep.  See. Everybody is happy.

And my poor mother just bought half a dozen of these. 

Let your men figure this bra out.  By the time he does, he has lost interest.  And you can just go to bed without having to do what he wants or “fake it.”  “Wooo.. Baby!  You are the bestest!”  Ya, right.

Originally appeared on xkcd.com

How can I be more clear, John?  Condoms!  Condoms!  Condoms!

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