It says Sex Panther is made with bits of real panther.  Real panther?!?!  This has to be good stuff.  It also guarantees the most desirable results once you use it.  They are so confident that if you don’t get lucky wearing Sex Panther, the only explanation is that you must be butt ugly.  Actually, their precise words are, “… if you don’t get lucky wearing Sex Panther we can only assume you’ve got a face like a bucket of smashed crabs.”

SO, will you try Sex Panther?

Turn your unwanted used books into purses?  Yes, you can.  Caitlin does it and does it damn well.  I came across her website, Rebound Designs, and saw all the cute little purses she made out of old, ready-to-be-thrown-away, used books.

Like this one, made from dear little Nancy Drew - the Mystery of the Fire Dragon.  Isn’t it ingenious?  And Caitlin said if you don’t use it as a purse, you can put it on the shelf just like a book.

This fine lady was going to buy Fiber One snack bars for her daughter while I was in the same aisle looking for my must-have sinfully delicious Fiber Plus dark chocolate almond bars.  So I thought I had to intervene.

Me:  Excuse me.  But you just have to try this Fiber Plus dark chocolate one.  It is so good.  ILLEGALLY GOOD.  After one bite, you’ll never be able to stop.

Target Shopper Lady:  I always like Fiber One.

Me:  Fiber One is great.  But Fiber Plus will make you scream for joy.

Target Shopper Lady:  Honey, would you like to try the chocolate ones this time?

I walked away and gave them room to discuss the decision for their lives.  I thought Kellogg’s should put me in their commercials.

Moments later, I ran into the fine lady and her daughter again.  I smiled and looked into her cart.  Success!!!  6 boxes of the Fiber Plus chocolate stuff.   I wondered if I should start a Kellogg’s Fiber Plus Chocolate cult.  I will have a lot of followers, won’t I?  All day long, we will worship the chocolate bars and eat them.  We’ll open the 800 number lines for people to donate.  And then we’ll sing and cry and worship some more, and eat more while the 800 toll-free number keeps flashing at the bottom of the TV screen.  But 3 of the chocolate bars are probably the limit.  We don’t want to get overdosed on fiber, do we?

Callie, the dog, went out through the gate because we forgot the close it after the guy was done cleaning the roof.  I was taking a shower then when she decided to take a road trip.  When I was done, I came downstairs to feed her.  She didn’t answer.  Normally, she would be running to me in 1/2 a second because there was food involved.  So I yelled and yelled and still there was no answer.  Then I walked out to the backyard and saw that the gate was open.  My jaw dropped, hit the ground, bounced back up and smacked me in the face.  How could this have happened?  She could be anywhere by now.  So I had to run upstairs and get properly dressed.  What should I wear?  What is the proper attire to put on to look for a lost dog?  An Abercrombie XS t-shirt will do I guess.

I rushed back downstairs and heard Eileen, our most adorable neighbor, screaming on the street.  I got out of the house and saw her patting the dog on the porch.  ”OMG!!!  You are home.  Callie was out on the street.  She went to your next door neighbor’s house.  They were playing with her.  I thought they got a new dog, but then I thought the dog looked familiar.  Then it dawned on me it was Callie.  I rushed over there, picked her up, and came back here.  I was just calling Jeff for help,” she exclaimed.

Later that night, we found out that she hurt her back by picking Callie up and was in bed and could not move.  The fat dog hurt her!  Poor Eileen.  She weighs less than 1/2 of Paris Hilton.  No wonder the dog broke her back.

Allegedly, a comb over is not in style any more.  Since when?  I started to grow my hair longer on the left hand side in order to be combed over the bald area to minimize the dramatic display of baldness.  Unfortunately, I found this site that told me to just shave my head.

It went on and told me that I was losing hair, so it’s time to man up and “JUST SHAVE IT.”  Say no to rugs, drugs and plugs.

Now, this is simply disappointing.  If you look at any romance novel covers, none of the men are bald.  In fact, they all have long wavy hair.

I think Baldboy has made a big mistake.  While I am trying to grow the hair that I need for the comb over, I discovered this magnificent website that could just save my life forever - the Comb Over Wigs.

Just look at the guy in the middle.  That wig can help me restore the youthful look I have always wanted.  And who knows?  I may become the hunk on the cover of Danielle Steel’s next book - Her Lover & His Wig.