Coming soon to your TV: More advertising, in places you might not expect.The ads are showing up where people used to enjoy a break from advertising, such as video on demand and on-screen channel guides. Even TiVo, which became popular for its technology that lets people skip TV commercials, is developing new ways to show ads.As a result, you won’t necessarily see more traditional, 30-second commercials. Instead, many of the new TV ads will resemble online ads _ interactive and often shaped for individual members of the audience. They’ll also be harder to ignore. Typically, you can’t opt out of seeing them.

So how many more TV ads do we need?  Aren’t the loud and obnoxious commercials enough torture already which we have to hit the mute button constantly to prevent ourselves from being deaf?  Now they even want to sneak them in Tivo and we cannot opt out.  I wonder if Tivo will start selling a premium package for $9.99 a month if we want to block the ads.

At work, we use several audio bridges for meetings and conferences.  They are provided by some outside vendors.  Each time, when we dial in the meetings, we will have to wait and enjoy the wait music if the moderator has not yet signed on.  Unfortunately, the wait music is not the problem.  I’d rather listen to the wait music which is played in porn I think.  Instead, every 10 seconds, the music stops, and here comes a shrieking voice, “For technical support, call 1-800-you-can-die-now.  Thank you for using the Listen or Die bridge.”  Then the music comes back on for another 10 seconds.  “For technical support…”

Why are we so good at creating monsters that can torture us to death on a daily basis?  When we are not at work, we are the experts to whine and complain about these phone recordings.  After pressing 3, and then 2, and then #, and then 0, we still can’t find a human to talk to.  But as soon as we are at work, it’s all about the company, profit, and job security.  We sit in a little meeting room like marketing terrorists and brainstorm ideas on how to create a phone system so irritating so that those annoying customers can’t talk to us and force them to listen to our ads.  We will repeat the ads so frequently so that those annoying customers will just hang up and give up and move on with their miserable lives.

How about those DVDs that force us to watch the previews and we can’t skip them?  Every button we press on the remote is useless.  We can’t go to the menu, can’t jump to the next boring preview, can’t stop, nothing.  Whose idea is that?  Is this marketing perfection or some kind of a sick joke?

Maybe in 2013, during the presidential inauguration ceremony…

“I, Bob Ubiquitous, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic;”

“I have genital herpes…,”  “Talk to your doctor about Herputopia if that’s right for you.  Herputopia can cause side effects like vomiting, constipation, delusion, and Alzheimer’s disease…,”  “I have genital herpes,”  “And I still don’t.”

“that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion;”

“At Long John Silvers, we will give you a bucket of shrimp for just 99 cents.  That’s right.  99 cents for a whole bucket of shrimp.  Just don’t ask us where the shrimp came from.”

How about this presidential inauguration for a change?


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