On our way to San Francisco, our pilot flew the plane right by Mt. Rainier.  Yahoo!!!!  I practically peed my pants.

There has to be some kind of toast crisis out there somewhere that people are unable to get their toast done right by the regular toasters, or like the one we have in our kitchen, a Hello Kitty toaster, which burns seductive Hello Kitty’s face onto our toast.

So this USB toaster will be connected to your computer or laptop, and its software will help make the perfect toast every time.  I guess someone who is addicted to computer and toast at the same time will absolutely fall in love with this invention.

Or maybe those who fall in love with this invention should go to the CTAA meetings - Computer Toast Addict Anonymous.

“Hi, my name is Sven.  I am a toast addict.  I make my toast at my computer.”

This makes it a Mother’s Day present out of the question.   We simply can’t have our dear mommies walking around the streets with this pin,  and stop everyone she knows and tell them triumphantly, “My dear son / daughter gave me this cute little pin on Mother’s Day.”

We, however, can probably wear it and parade our secret little wishes right out in the open.  Of course, we must be careful enough not to let our mommies and daddies see it; otherwise, they will probably spend the rest of their lives repenting inside the little box in their church for us every week.

Lesson 1:  Keep your dick in your pants at all times when you cook.

Bonus Course:  Wash your hands with soap after you touch your dick.  Then you cook.  So your chicken dishes don’t smell like seafood.

Now you know what to give to those who love to kiss asses at work.  Unless you really want to make a statement and give them a piece of your mind, I think the traditional virtue of anonymous charity is the best way to go.  Simply leave a box of the gum on the ass kisser’s desk should do the trick.  If you’d like to go above and beyond,  a card that says, “Keep up the good work,” will be a nice touch.

Ass Kisser gum is available on BlueQ.