Matt:  Why does that building always have the white plastic wrapped on one side?

Me:  Maybe they ran out of money and couldn’t finish it.  Blame it on bad economy.

Matt:  That’s right.  How did you always know these things?

Me:  I am good at gossiping.

So originally in my email, I wrote, “OMG!!!!!  I LOVE IT!!!!!”  If I took the spell check’s suggestion, it should read, “ORGY!!!!!  I LOVE IT!!!!!”

Hello Kitty continues to amaze me.  Not only she can entertain, but she can also protect your ears.  With these Hello Kitty headsets, Lady Gaga will turn into Hello Gaga.

   @ artbox

Hello Kitty has been incredible.  She appeared just about on every possible product we could ever imagine.  I even have Her Highness’ toaster in my very own kitchen, which burns her face on my toast.  And then I asked myself, “How about Hello Kitty toilet seat and Hello Kitty toilet paper?”  So I googled it and Hello Kitty never failed me.  Not only there is a Hello Kitty toilet seat, toilet paper, but there is also a Hello Kitty automatic toilet paper dispenser.  We can sit our asses on her.  We can use her face to wipe our butts.  Hmm…  I wondered what her face would look like after wiping our asses.

Gee!  She finally got a mouth and a smile.

What a nice touch to let that “someone special” know AFTER damage is done and calling 911 is just two seconds too late.

@ earmarkinvitations

Tracy’s tips on how to land a man:

1. Push up Bra.  Push those puppies up because you want to “disgrak” your man.
2. Dye your hair with Kool Aid.  It’s less severe.
3. Take Yoga and palate classes.  They will make you more white and educated.
4. Make sure you always have a lip balm with you.  You want to keep your lips moist.
5. Do not say WHATEVER or WHAT-EVAH.  It’s WHAT-ERROR.
6. If your hair is dirty and itchy, don’t scratch.  You will mess your hair up.  It’s OK if it’s dirty.  Kool Aid will cover it up.

Follow these tips and you will get a man in no time.

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