Friend:  I bought a pink piggy bank for Alex.

Me:  Did the cashier give you the strange look that you were buying a pig during the pig flu pandemic?

Friend:  No.  Alex likes to put money in the piggy banks.

Me:  I remembered I had a drum piggy bank when I was a child.  My grandma got it for me on my birthday.  She even put some money in it to get me started.  Every day, I was dying to put money in it until one day I discovered the joy of shopping.

Friend:  Oh, no…

Me:  Indeed.  I really liked this hand held baseball game thing they had in the toy store.  I told EVERYBODY about it so many times, but no one would buy it for me.  That was when I realized that I had to use my own money inside the piggy bank to get it.  So, one day, I opened it up, took some money out, and put some chocolate coins back in before I went to the toy store to buy the game I’d always wanted.

Friend:  Chocolate coins?  Yummy!

Me:  I had to put something in there because my grandma was crazy.  She would shake this drum piggy bank like EVERYDAY.  I really thought she knew exactly how much money was in there just listening to how much noise it made.

Friend:  Oh, Lord.  You and your grandma…

Me:  Everything was fine until one day I made the stupidest decision.  I decided to bring the game to school to show it off.  It was one of those usual mornings when my grandma asked me to eat breakfast and I always refused.  We went back and forth at each other.  And of course, I always won.  That was when everything started to go wrong.  I picked up my book bag and the stupid game fell out.  My grandma picked it up and asked me who bought it for me.  I was dying.  I couldn’t think.  I didn’t know what to say.  And just like that, she walked over to the piggy bank and shook it.  And then, the unbelievable happened.  She did something she had never done before.  SHE OPENED THE FORBIDDEN PIGGY BANK.  OMG!!!  My death was imminent.  She dumped everything out and she saw the chocolate coins.  The next thing I knew was lots of screaming and yelling from her.  She beat the crap out of me.  I was late for school that day and the teacher asked me to stand right next to her desk for the whole class to see.  It was the worst day of my life.

Friend:  LOL…

Me:  LOL?  How rude!!!

Originally appeared on wordtoyour.com

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I posted this video before but I could not find it anywhere on the site.  I decided to look for the video on the web and repost it.  For heaven’s sake, this is my one and only role model after my grandma died 20 years ago.  My life would be nothing without either one of them.

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My grandma would have been so thrilled had she known this method 70 years ago, then she didn’t have to keep sending my grandpa to sleep on the 500-year-old 4-foot long sofa where the evil springs poked him with no mercy in his various body parts inappropriately for who knows how many times.  Late at night, we could hear my grandma giggle uncontrollably in her luxurious hard bed while my grandpa moaned and whined every time he was poked by the blood thirsty springs.  The effect was probably the same as the method would demonstrate below, and Grandma didn’t have to pay the outrageous 25 cents each time.

Originally appeared on pariswells.org