I know it’s not quite important to brag at the moment, but I am double jointed and I can arch my back until my head touches my heel.

Why is it ‘sick as a dog?’  I am the one who gets the nasty cold or flu every winter even though I always get the damn flu shots.  I am the one who becomes totally impotent incompetent incapable and lie in bed begging for my head chopped off so that I don’t need to feel the pain from my sinus.  Callie, the dog, never got sick like that.  There’s something wrong with the saying.  Someone from long long time ago was deeply confused and started this ‘sick as a dog’ rumor.

I miss Callie.

Q:  Have you ever watched ‘Sum of Us?’

Me:  Yeah,  what’s-his-name is in that movie?  Isn’t it Jack Russell?

Q:  ?????

Me:  Wait a minute!  Jack Russell?  Isn’t that a dog breed?

Q:  It’s Russell Crowe.  Jack Russell!  Hahahaha…

Of course, we don’t want to use the regular boring remote.  There are just too many freaking unnecessary buttons on that thing.  For those who can pair their iPhones or whatever phones with the TVs as remote controls, ditch your phones now.  That is so yesterday.  You need this wand to control your TV.  You need to wave this thing like Harry Potter to change channels.  13 different ways you can wave and dance to make your TV smarter.    How come Samsung never thought of this?  Shame on you, Samsung.  Shame on you.

via Amazon.com: Kymera Magic Wand Remote Control: Electronics.

I have known her for a long time.  For legal reasons, I shall not reveal her name here.  Let’s call her SQ 39.  Before SQ 39 gave birth to her allegedly adorable teletubbies, she was cute and kind.  Now, she turned from this ditzy princess into Mommy Dearest.  I suffer so every day.  Joan, please make her go away.  She and you should watch Matinee together and then bad mouth your enemy, Bette Davis, over your favorite drink, Vodka on the Rocks.

Sincerely,

Severely Beaten by Wire Hangers